Random ramblings of a Rose…

Archive for March, 2011

My “Princess” Boy. . .of Sorts

I unknowingly started a firestorm this evening on my Facebook by posting what I thought was a perfectly innocent picture of Jose at dance class.  He was wearing leg warmers because it was chilly at dance and I suppose that – combined with the fact that he was at ballet – was enough that some were worried for Jose’s mental stability and future sexuality.  I don’t really want to re-hash the whole thing here, but we (friends/family) ended up having a (fairly) healthy debate about the topic – 44 comments total.  I had no idea that some of the people in my life (on both sides of the issue) held such strong views about right and wrong!  To me, it’s really a non-issue.  If Jose likes to wear leg warmers, play dress up with “girl” clothes, or sit on the couch and do my hair, great!  If he’d rather crash his trucks, wrestle with his nephews, or laugh a big belly laugh EVERY TIME his brother toots, more power to him!  (Although the last one does get on my nerves… 😉  😀 )

At any rate, I wanted copy my response to the whole thing here, not only for posterity (lol!), but also simply because as his mother, I think it bears repeating.  So here goes:

I just want to say that I appreciate and understand the comments from both sides of my family. I personally don’t believe there is anything wrong with a 4 1/2 year old being a little creative, whether or not it is in public. He likes dance and tumbling, and this was the class we could afford that the City of Phoenix offered. He actually really wanted to be in gymnastics, but they didn’t have that available, so this was the next best thing.

I do believe, as the Bible states, that the ACT of homosexuality is a sin – I would think that anyone who claimed to know me at all would know that. However, I also believe that in this fallen and broken world, there are things beyond our control – including genetics – that have mutated and changed beyond God’s original purpose. This is to mean that I truly believe some people are born feeling as though they are in the wrong body. However, I also believe that this is something through which they can glorify God by remaining celibate and dedicating their life to God’s kingdom work – however much that may seem like it would suck.

THAT BEING SAID! Do I think Jose is gay? Really, no. If you saw how he behaves in class vs. how the girls behave, you’d see that despite his “metrosexual” tendencies, he is definitely a “boy” in the societal sense. And he loves doing all sorts of things that “boys” like to do. In fact, as I write this, he is rolling a truck across the room as hard as he can and cackling when it crashes into stuff.

I honestly don’t think that letting him play with dolls or wear his leg warmers if he wants to is going to do him any harm. In fact, it might do him some good! He goes around all day trying to emulate his father, who (by the way) does all of the following BECAUSE HE ENJOYS IT: writes poetry and songs, leaves “lovey-dovey” notes for me in the morning, gardens, cooks, does housecleaning to relieve stress, etc. etc. etc.

And honestly, considering all of the detrimental things that are typically attributed to men being men (beating the crap out of each other for fun, getting drunk and carousing, watching porn and going to strip clubs, etc.) I think I would quite prefer if Jose grew up to be like his father rather than like what most people would consider the ideal for a “man.”

And this:

I just don’t understand why things have to be such a big deal when he is as young as he is, and I don’t think that “That’s not a boy thing!” is a good enough excuse to break Jose’s heart. After this all started, I asked him what he would have done if I had told him he couldn’t wear his leg warmers tonight, and he said, “I would have been very upset. I would have cried.” And that, right there, is why what others think about him means so much less to me than what his little heart truly cares about.

Also, this:

Yeah, that’s the only part that worries me – how other kids will treat/respond to him. And I am still weighing the decision (as my mom did before me) of telling him the cold hard truth up front and possibly causing him to build an impenitrable wall around himself or letting him be who he wants to be and having a million little heartbreaks along the way that may eventually lead to that same wall being built. Either way, it really sucks.

But for now, since the kids he’s been around all love him and not a single one has made fun of him (in fact, he’s pretty much the most popular kid in school right now – something I NEVER managed to achieve, lol!) I will just continue to let him be himself.

So that’s all for tonight.  I’ve posted the infamous picture below so you can judge for yourself.

P.S.  The title of this post is in reference to this book: http://www.myprincessboy.com/index.asp

Obviously, the boy this book was based on is much more “into” things that are considered to be only for girls than Jose is.  And I think in Jose’s case, his interest in dressing “girly” is more likely to simply be something that lends itself to instilling a decent fashion sense in him when he is older, but when Jose read the book, it made him smile.  And that was good enough for me.

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Growing Up :(

As I was working with the 2-year-olds today at BSF (http://bsfinternational.org/), while Jose was down the hall in his own 4-year-old class, I got to pondering how much and how quickly my boys have grown up.  Jose has gone to BSF with me since he was 2 and now he is finishing up his final year before going to school full-time.  Since he began, BSF started a program for younger children (down to 6 weeks, I believe) which I was planning to put Squishy in, but my dad (Pop-pop) lamented the fact that he wouldn’t get the same one-on-one time with Squishy as he had with Jose, so we put off enrolling him.  But now, alas, the time has almost come to sign him up for next the fall, and that means he is going to be 2 soon.  How did this happen??

Jose is going to be 5 and in kindergarten before I even have time to catch my breath.  For him, at least, this doesn’t seem so odd.  He’s been an old soul since the moment he was born.  Hubby and I have always had the hardest time remembering just how young he is.  We expect too much of him, too soon, too often.  And yet, now that he is “grown up” and suddenly perfectly able to fulfill almost all the tasks and responsibilities we request of him (including tying his shoes, which he learned after 2 tries – one with mom’s way, one with dad’s; he chose dad’s – back on February 12!) I find myself wishing he was just a little tyke again.  I knew as I was doing it that I would regret the high expectations we held for him, but I knew if we didn’t hold those expectations of him, he just wouldn’t be who he was meant to be.  He is just mature beyond his years and far too intelligent for his own good, sometimes.  😉  But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And then there is Squishy.  Squishy, my little one whom everyone still refers to as “the baby.”  I think he is called that more often than he is called his name!  That’s just who he is though.  He’s a little cuddly bug, typically non-speaking (at least not in phrases), and destructive boy through and through!  In fact, at the Y Monday morning, I realized with horror, “My gosh!  He’s one of those kids!”  He leaves nothing alone, can’t walk by something without touching it, puts everything in his mouth – EVERYTHING – repeatedly does the same thing over and over, etc.  But he is seriously so stinking adorable that even strangers just smile and coo at him despite his behavior.  It’s a good thing God made kids so cute!  But despite his “baby” persona, he definitely has a brain in his head that is whirling and spinning at top-speed all the time.  He is constantly learning and absorbing what is around him.  He amazes me with his intelligence sometimes, because I forget that despite how he portrays himself, he really isn’t a baby anymore.  He can build block towers 11+ blocks high, BY HIMSELF.  He knows when he has gone potty in his diaper and hates having number 2 in there.  He is so frustrated because he can’t figure out how to make things work when he’s sitting on the toilet.  He literally cries sometimes when he realizes that he’s gone in his diaper again and says, “Toyet? Toyet?”

Where did the time go?  How did I get to have an almost-5 and almost-2-year-old?  When and why did they grow up?  I don’t recall giving them permission to do so.  In fact, I specifically remember asking Jose at 2 months to quit growing so I could keep him that way for awhile.  See how well that worked out?  And so I have one leaving BSF this spring to enter Kindergarten, and another entering BSF this fall for his 3-year run.  Next thing you know, I’ll be writing about enrolling Squishy and getting his uniforms for school…

Trying something new!

Mah boys!

Well, I’ve done “blogs” in the past, but never really took them anywhere.  I thought I’d give it a whirl again, since I enjoy relaxing by spending time on the computer, but I’m taking a little different turn with it this time.  Rather than writing things all about me, or feeling pressured to post something EVERY SINGLE DAY, I’m hoping to write – from time to time – about the kids.  We’ll call them Jose and Squishy, as that’s what they were termed in utero.

Jose is 4 1/2 (5 in June) and will be starting Kindergarten in the fall, at the school where my husband works.  But he won’t have daddy as a teacher anytime soon since daddy’s up in MS/HS.  😉  Jose is very intelligent (and I’m not just saying that – we’ve had confirmation from his ped, his preschool/pre-K teachers, and his psych.)  We’re dealing with some issues right now possibly related to ADHD and/or something on the Autism spectrum.  But we’ve got an excellent doctor on board for him, so the only thing we’re worried about right now is the cost!

Squishy is 1 1/2 (2 in July) and is still our “baby.”  He’s every bit as smart as his brother but expresses it in different ways.  He doesn’t say much, but he knows exactly what you’re saying.  He’s our adorable little manipulator but he’s so dang cute it’s tough to stay mad at him.

Well, I think that’s enough for an intro.  Questions?  Comments?  Snide remarks?  Send them my way…  😉  Here’s hoping this is a new habit I’ll actually follow through on!

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